Social Influence – how to get what you want

Before I explain social influence and how to get what you want let me ask you this…

Have you ever heard anyone say these words to you?

“Most people have it backwards when they…”

This is some kind of a set up for some so called “counter-intuitive knowledge.”

Here’s an example I hear over and again.

“Most people have it backwards when it comes to social influence.”

The speaker may have some new and great information on social influence… however that’s rarely the case.

But just keep reading and let me see if I can do better.

I think most people don’t have it backwards when it comes to social influence and if they didn’t have it backwards they would:

  • Get their own way more often
  • Hear a lot more people saying ‘yes’ to them
  • Rid their lives of rejection

Here’s something you probably didn’t know.

Great chess players study the end game as much if not more than any other part of the game.

There are hundreds of books of the endgame. And recently I watched a video that went on for well over two hours just on endgame theory.

And yet how many books on social influence talk about the end game?

Most authors talk about how to start a conversation with anyone.

They rarely talk about how to end one.

I’m not talking about ending a relationship, just ending a conversation.

In my experience most people don’t know how to ask for what they want.

In other words they don’t know how to conclude a conversation that gives then their end result.

If you read the book “Influence” you’ll see there’s a lot of scientific evidence about how social influence works.

There are loads of examples.

However there are no “how to” steps to follow.

And that’s alright if you like chewing gum until all the flavour has gone.

It’s nice for a while but it’s unproductive.

So, how do you get what you want from others?

Plan in advance your closing statements or questions.

Because when you do you’ll have a blueprint to follow.

Up until now you may not have done this. So I’ll give you a brief outline here, however there’s a lot more detail in my book, “Influence Intelligence – Why People Resist You and What to Do About It.”

The brief outline…

  1. Think about what it is you want from the other person
  2. Imagine what it would be like when you have it
  3. See the situation from the other person’s perspective
  4. Think about why it’s in their best interest to help you
  5. Come up with something you can do for them
  6. Imagine them being happy to give you what you want

As you can see this six-step plan is good for both of you. Never try to get one over on others.

You may win in the short term, but you’ll lose in the long run.

Why?

Because there’s no such thing as a well-adjusted slave.

Now let’s think about this from a chess player’s perspective and look at the end first.

Imagine them being happy to give you what you want.

Here’s the point of it all.

You are talking to another human being who has their own set of wants and needs. You must plan on them being happy.

That’s the end game right there.

When you make this your primary focus then your social influence strategies stand a far higher chance of working.

Listen, your goal is to have other people happy to give you what you want.

Start there and work backwards.

Like this:

  1. Imagine them being happy to give you what you want
  2. Come up with something you can do for them
  3. Think about why it’s in their best interest to help you
  4. See the situation from the other person’s perspective
  5. Imagine what it would be like when you have it
  6. Think about what it is you want from the other person

So that’s your plan.

You will need to plan this in writing as soon as you become aware that this will work for you just the way it’s intended to.

And that can’t happen any sooner than you allow it to as you imagine now how using social influence helps you get your own way.

Try it… it “only works.”